First, you need to acknowledge it. All she knows is the cycle of inadequacy and mistrust. Be kind and compassionate toward yourself. You may be freezing out the opportunity to love someone who can meet you half way. Your fear of being alone or taking a risk, for instance, might be preventing you from finding the love and happiness you deserve.
However, codependency symptoms are common for people who grew up in a dysfunctional home -- especially if you took on the role of a caretaker. If so, you might be self-sabotaging your chances of having a healthy relationship where you can get your needs met. This can mean you have trouble saying "no" to the requests of others or allow others to take advantage of you. Recently, I asked a client this question: Our parents either neglected, abused or made us feel like we were somehow wrong for being ourselves. Fear doesn't go away by itself -- it tends to morph into something else. The adrenaline rush that they experience when they feel passionate toward someone can be addictive. I offer you Exhibit A from this October, 25, journal entry: Much of the compulsive, codependent behavior will subside and this can often be the beginning of reclaiming yourself from your addiction to a narcissist. Do you care too much about what others think of you? I felt completely ashamed. Toxic shame is learned in childhood. Every time I behave codependently, I drown in toxic shame. Author Karen McMahon writes, "By focusing on your healing and personal growth you will energetically transform your life and begin to attract others friends, bosses, companions who are your emotional equals. And when her partner, Tyler, doesn't treat her well, or devalues her love, she wonders why she wasn't worth fighting for. A partner who wants nothing more than to be with them and make them a top priority is alien. Many women remain in dysfunctional marriages because they are convinced that this is what they deserve. Were you made to feel ashamed about your feelings, so you learned to deny and shove them down? What age were you? Do you find yourself falling into one or more of these codependent relationship patterns? In my case, when I allowed myself to feel the fear and sadness of my current relationship I was able to remember an incident that happened when I was eight. What often happens is an emotional sobriety descends that can last for several hours and even days. Closets can be good! You might even ignore your own self-care or feel that you're being selfish if you take care of yourself. I had to admit I was checking up on him.
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