This serves to render others dependent upon the next twist and turn of the abuser, his next inexplicable whim, upon his next outburst, denial, or smile. Be prepared to heal alone and learn to trust yourself without much support from others, because this type of abuse is very hard to explain to others. Mentally state inside your head what your gut is telling you. He is an "equal opportunity abuser" with multiple victims, who, often, have little in common. In order to trust yourself you begin by looking inside and learning to pay attention to your intuition gut instincts and your feelings. Unpredictability and Uncertainty Intermittent Reinforcement The abuser acts unpredictably, capriciously, inconsistently and irrationally. He controls these unaware instruments exactly as he plans to control his ultimate prey.
The other reason to abuse someone is because the abuser wants to motivate his victim to do something, to feel in a certain way, or to refrain from committing an act. He uses them to cajole, coerce, threaten, stalk, offer, retreat, tempt, convince, harass, communicate and otherwise manipulate his target. The list is long. It is learning to trust yourself. The abuser is very convincing. In certain circumstances, abuse as a reaction is called for and deemed healthy and socially-commendable. Research already shows that sadists enjoy lurking in online comment sections and social media feeds, anonymously insulting people for fun. It is closely correlated with alcoholism, drug consumption, intimate-partner homicide, teen pregnancy, infant and child mortality, spontaneous abortion, reckless behaviours, suicide, and the onset of mental health disorders. Independent or disobedient people evoke in the abuser the realization that something is wrong with his worldview, that he is not the centre of the world or its cause and that he cannot control what, to him, are internal representations. Other vulnerable familial groups include the elderly and the disabled. They stalk people and harass them as a means of "being in touch" - another form of control. It is a set of behaviors aimed at a target the victim for the purpose of humiliating, punishing, or manipulating her. It is common among the rich and the poor, the well-educated and the less so, the young and the middle-aged, city dwellers and rural folk. This is the fostering, propagation and enhancement of an atmosphere of fear, intimidation, instability, unpredictability and irritation. Here is a partial list: Treat him as he treats you. Never give him a second chance. This ever-shifting code of conduct and the unusually harsh and arbitrarily applied penalties are premeditated. TIP Often the abuser's proxies are unaware of their role. Most abusers and batterers are males - but a significant minority are women. Impossible Situations The abuser engineers impossible, dangerous, unpredictable, unprecedented, or highly specific situations in which he is sorely needed. The abuser generates his own indispensability. It rarely occurs only one time. Don't misrepresent your wishes, boundaries, preferences, priorities, and red lines. In his frantic efforts to maintain control or re-assert it, the abuser resorts to a myriad of fiendishly inventive stratagems and mechanisms.
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