From where you put their favorite coffee mug to whether you had lunch with a coworker without them knowing, you will always be assumed to have had criminal motives. More on relationship issues: If every little thing you do could use improvement in your partner's eyes, then how are you being valued as a true equal, let alone loved unconditionally? Love bombing The expression has been used to describe the tactics used by pimps and gang members to control their victims,  as well as to describe the behavior of an abusive narcissist who tries to win the confidence of a victim. In fact, someone may try to convince themselves that their partner's criticism of them is warranted, or that their partner is just trying to help them be a better person. In healthy relationships, communication about those needs leads to a workable compromise. The abused person starts feeling helpless and possibly even hopeless.
Whether by subtley making you feel less attractive than they are, constantly reinforcing their professional accomplishments as compared to yours, or even comparing you unfavorably to their exes, controlling people often want you to feel grateful that you are in a relationship with them. In healthy relationships, communication about those needs leads to a workable compromise. Perhaps he or she checks your phone, logs into your email or constantly tracks your Internet history, and then justifies this by saying they've been burned before, have trust issues, or the old standard: It may start subtley, but this is often a first step for a controlling person. But ultimately, no matter how individually small a criticism seems, if it's part of a constant dynamic within your relationship, it would be very tough to feel accepted, loved, or validated. Silent treatment The silent treatment is sometimes used as a control mechanism. This is the kind of abuse that often sneaks up on you as you become more entrenched in the relationship. And they may keep "evidence" of your wrongdoing to a point that you may feel they've got a whole case against you—even if you don't quite understand it. It is not great when they make you feel small, silly, or stupid, or they consistently try to change your mind about something important to you that you believe in. You may walk in the door to find them already angry about something that they found, thought about, or decided in your absence. She now chats live online on Tuesdays. For instance, as mentioned, you shouldn't always have to detail your whereabouts for every moment of every day, nor should your partner automatically have the right to access your email or texts or Internet search history. This is in part due to abusive incidents with sports figures or celebrities that have become very public. Abuse is not always as obvious as being hit or shoved, called degrading names or cussed out. A controlling partner typically feels that they have the right to know more than they actually do. In fact, it is rare for abusive relationships to not have these often intense moments of feeling good, overly sincere apologies or attempts to make up for the bad behavior. Domestic violence is once again in the forefront of the news. To use it as justification for punishing you in some way, or preemptively trying to keep you from making that "error" again—to keep you acting in ways they want you to. This weakens and isolates them, making it easier for the narcissist to manipulate and dominate. The husband vehemently denied this and when so far as to send an email to his tech guy asking how his account could have been hacked and to fix the problem! I listened to a client tell me that her husband denied an affair after his she found a racy email to another woman on his computer and confronted him. Or they try to turn you against anyone that you're used to relying on for support besides them. Many controlling people are skilled manipulators at making their partner's own emotions work in the controlling person's favor. This creates a dynamic where you will be more willing to work harder and harder to keep them and make them happy—a dream for someone who wants to dominate a relationship. If they can manipulate their partners into feeling a steady stream of guilt about everyday goings-on, then a lot of the controlling person's work is done for them—their partners will gradually try to do whatever they can to not have to feel guilty. Either way, when you feel consistently unsettled about goings-on within your sexual realtionship, it's a sign that something is wrong.
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