And we never actually talked about it; it was this unspoken thing that clearly affected the relationship between my parents and I, but nothing was ever done to address it. I know I internalized a lot of what these men said to me, what they did. I fell into this trap and couldn't escape; I became obsessed. Hi, I'm Erin, and I used to have sex with older men on the Internet. Older men on the Internet gave me that reason. I know there are so many girls who've been through the same, or similar.
Take away the computer, the men, the cell-phone and my privacy and problem solved, right? Yes, we'd exchanged nudes. It gave me a boost of self-esteem like nothing else ever had. No, I never ran away to have a sleepover with any of them, but it didn't make any of it any better. I wish I could tell them that they can make it through, that they're being deceived, that they can have so much more. I was lonely, depressed, suffering from an eating disorder and was recovering from incest. It's damaged my sexuality perhaps permanently. They treated me like a prisoner; it was as if I was a rebel who needed to be tamed. But I know that none of this is my fault. I wish she could see that she didn't need any of them to feel whole. Which just to clarify is still rape. And because I was treated as if I was wearing a scarlet letter, I internalized it all. It was my way of showing that I felt out of control and helpless. I know I internalized a lot of what these men said to me, what they did. I recently received contact from one of these men and had a small breakdown. And we never actually talked about it; it was this unspoken thing that clearly affected the relationship between my parents and I, but nothing was ever done to address it. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. It's the consequence of some fucked up things that happened in my life and that I took to the Internet. Here's something I don't talk about very often; I'm a survivor of some pretty fucked up cyber sexual relations. Because the fact is, this shouldn't be a secret at all; it should just be another part of my truth. I was 14 when I bought my first laptop with my own money. Having cyber sex with older men made me feel powerful, untouchable and fuckable at the same time. Yes, we had cyber and phone sex. Hi, I'm Erin, and I used to have sex with older men on the Internet. I was finding hope in the only way I knew how to as a year-old and 15, 16, 17 and even year-old.
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